Good Boundaries Lead to Good Behaviour

Your toddler starts with a blank slate and fills it up with experiences. To understand his world, he experiments through trial and error. When these experiments become unsafe or detrimental (such as poking the power socket), you have to step in and say ‘No’.

Here are some tips on how to set effective boundaries:

• Coordinate your responses: Both you and your partner grew up under different parents, so there may be a difference in style. Discuss and agree on what to say and do, and deliver a consistent message.
• Clarity is key: Be clear about what is permissible and what is not. Otherwise, your toddler may become confused, or find points to argue about.
• Stand the test of begging: You will have to stand firm, and show him that he is just wasting his time, right from the start. Otherwise, you risk showing him that begging works and he is likely to keep trying that.
• Reward compliance: Boundaries needn’t be entirely negative. Recognition and approval whenever he complies will reinforce the positive behaviour. This applies even for partial compliance, so that he is encouraged to try harder.
• Start a point system: To help your toddler visualise the importance of good behaviour, you can start a point system. Use star stickers or the like to record his progress. He can even trade these points for a toy he has set his eyes on.
• Don’t overdo it: Saying ‘no’ too often makes the word lose its efficacy, and it encourages them to use it against you. Use boundaries in moderation.

Your child will test your limits, and it’s entirely natural. This is how he learns, and he will devise many ways to see if he can wriggle around the rules. Always remember that love involves limits. Be firm and consistent. In the long run, you will see the fruits of your labour.